


Fighting bullets

by orphan_account



Category: Kingsman: The Secret Service (2015)
Genre: Angst, Discipline, Drama, Eggsy has trust issues but Harry and Merlin are very kind and loving, Happy Ending, Harry Lives, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Mentions of past abuse, Multi, Spanking, Trust
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-07-22
Updated: 2015-08-10
Packaged: 2018-04-10 16:33:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,361
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4399292
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>His next mission is a disaster and Eggsy knows, he fucking knows, what the consequences will be.<br/>After all, he had seen what Harry is capable of when he’s truly angry (the scene in the church still hunts him) and god knows what Merlin will choose for his punishment. So he takes matters into his own hands ...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Eggysy next mission went disastrous.

It had actually been quite an easy task: get in, take the chip, place the bomb, get out (and occasionally kick an enemy into his ass, but Eggsy had been confident that this would be the last of his problems.)

Still, he had somehow managed to do nearly all of these things wrong.

 

First the break in into his targets office. A cute alarm system, some other gadgets like a camera and fingerprint reader – a piece of cake, really.

Eggsy had become almost suspicious of the simplicity, but maybe it was Valentines massacre that sharpened his senses and made him expect danger around every corner. Goddamn megalomaniac prick.

Eggsy nearly lost one of the most important people in his life because of that lunatic.

He didn’t wanted to admit it, but Harry fucking Hart had taken his heart by storm and Kingsman itself was just the cherry on top of the cake that called itself Eggsys life now.

It wasn’t even romantic love; Eggsy already satisfied a game of chess or a passionate banter with his mentor.  And if this eventually developed into more, well, then Eggsy wouldn’t exactly complain…

“The safe if located in the south wing of the building", interrupted Eggsys next reason for domestic fantasies his thoughts on Harry in an apron.

“Alright, bruv”, he replied with a grin.

Merlin maybe wasn’t Eggsys cherry on his great big life-pie but he’d make a damn good whipped cream. Valentines murderous world domination plan had made him see the other agent in a new light and resulted in Eggsy respecting him even more. It was the first time that he actually trusted someone who gave him orders (and wanted to follow them, just to hear Merlins quiet “Well done” every time Eggsy passed a test successfully.)

With self-assured steps Eggsy walked along the hallway to the office that belonged to his target. The chip that he was assigned to steal contained top-secret information about a drug cartel in Vietnam, which produced a new substance known for anaesthetization that could sometimes last days.

And of course, Kingsman had seen the chip as a possibility to interfere.

This mission would run perfectly, Eggsy would make sure, he would prove that he was worth of his position as Kingsman agent.

 

And everything was indeed running perfectly.

Until the alarm was triggered.

Kneeling over the safe with the chip in it, Eggsy could hardly believe what was happening, he had done every goddamn step right!

“Go on, Eggsy”, he heard the soothing words of his quartermaster through his headphones. “You have two minutes and I’ll try to buy you some more time.”

But that wasn’t enough. He screwed up, risked this entire mission with a small mistake, of which he hadn’t even been aware.

There would be consequences, Eggsy was certain of that.

Of course Merlin wasn’t a violent man but Eggsy knew with how much force the agent could strike if he truly intended to hurt. And since that stupid alarm was Eggsys fault, he would be also the one that would get punished. Only god knew how somebody felt standing across Merlin and waiting for him to throw a punch – god and several attackers of many years that tried and (obviously) had failed.

“Thanks”, Eggsy nonetheless said through clenched teeth. There still was a chance to somehow lessen Merlins rage that was guaranteed to hit him once he got back. But well, his mission, his punishment. He deserved it.

 

 

Two minutes and 31, 32, 33 seconds later Eggsy was still busy trying to crack that fucking safe. He had no idea what had happened, this was a simple combination lock, he already figured them out when he was a kid!

This was bad, really _really_ bad. Merlin would be furious.

And Harry – Eggsy didn’t even dare to think about what his mentor might say about his failure. What he would _do_. After all he was an agent too and Eggsy had seen what he had done to Deans henchmen in the pub. (Also the church scene. That had been … brutal.)

Beads of sweat ran down Eggsys forehead and dazed he took in more orders from Merlin without recognizing the meaning of them.

His mission, his punishment.

It _had_ to work. He couldn’t return without the chip. Fuck, what if they thought he was replaceable and simply got rid of him? Bound him to rail tracks again, deep under London where it was dark and nobody would notice?

Eggsys heart ached and shuddering he closed his eyes for a moment. _Harry._ He’d be so disappointed. No, disgusted, he corrected himself.

“Eggsy, get out of there, now!” Merlin sounded almost pissed and Eggsy knew what that meant: anger was not far off. And anger meant pain. He needed that bloody chip.

Three minutes and eleven seconds.

“I got this”, he said to no one particular. His hands felt numb, the alarm still roared through the empty bureau halls.

Three minutes and thirteen seconds.

“I said _now_ –“ Eggsy found the switch on his headphones.

“I’m sorry”, he whispered as he turned them off and it was true, Eggsy _was_ sorry, he’d rarely been this sorry for disobedience in his whole life.

But of course that fucking safe didn’t open and Eggsy was on the verge of screaming, _he had been trained for missions like that!_ He had been the best among all of the applicants – if you didn’t count Roxy and shit, what would she think?

She'd ultimately realize how weak and undeserving of his position Eggsy was.

Eggsys heart beat faster than he could secure a weapon as he imagined Roxys expression when he got back with empty hands.

No chip. No respect. No sympathy.

Three minutes and thirty-one seconds. Heavy footsteps behind him.

Eggsys fingers slipped. Everything was unbearable loud and he could hear his blood rushing in his ears.

Three minutes and thirty-three seconds.

Eggsy felt the cold barrel of a gun against his temple and now his training kicked in again and all the years with Dean and Eggsy threw himself backwards and broke the man's nose and hit the gun out of his hand and everything was a rush and he couldn’t breathe, there was a piercing pain in his lungs.

He brought down the next two men before he had to lean panting and coughing against a wall.

More steps in the corridor.

Eggsy felt like he was burning internally and as he held a hand in front of his mouth to cough, there was blood on the fabric of his jacket.

The steps came closer.

As much as he dreaded heading back without the chip, Eggsy wasn’t suicidal.

He needed to go.

With legs heavy as steel, Eggsy leaped to the next emergency exit to escape from there. He almost forgot the bomb which would remove all of his traces in the building.

Shakily he unbuckled it from his belt, defused it and threw it over his shoulder into the next room.

Now he had fifteen seconds before shit was going down; Eggsy could hear the shouting of the men behind him but neither did he understand their language nor why the world slowed down all of sudden.

What was fucking happening?

Before he came into contact with the hard floor of the emergency staircase, Eggsy could have sworn that he felt the touch of leather on his back.

Then a firework of agony exploded in his head and his last thought for a long, long time was of Harry and how frightening he'd look with a belt in his hands. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guess who became Kingsman trash?! Yup, it's me!  
> As you probably noticed English is not my first language so if you find any mistakes, please point them out to me and I'll be happy to correct them. Hope you enjoyed it! :)


	2. Chapter 2

Beeping. Muffled noises. Long drawn words, scattered and strayed across the whole room. More beeping.

Eggsy felt like he had drunk too much, then driven into a brick wall with steel cladding and just completed a two-hour walk back home. (Not that this had happened before.)

His surroundings blurred like he was in a kaleidoscope and eventually took on sharp outlines.

He vaguely recognized crisp, white sheets, walls in some creamy colour and a dog-sized ball that had wrapped himself around Eggsys feet.

“Welcome back”, greeted him a familiar voice that he had last heard through his headphones. Merlin.

He sounded as composed as ever but Eggsy heard the slight sharpness in the sentence, the sternness.

It was quite obvious that his quartermaster wasn’t too thrilled about Eggsys stunt.

“ 's nice to see ya too”, said Eggsy and tried himself at a crooked smile. Merlins eyes bored into his.

“Are you in pain?”

Oh, so this was it. If Eggsy said yes, his punishment would wait until he was fully recovered. And if he said no, well …

At least he still somehow had a choice. With Dean it hadn’t mattered if he was already hurt – at some time Eggsy would have gotten up again, whether it were hours or sometimes nearly whole days he spent unconscious. Dean had never wanted to kill him, for that he had enjoyed his living punching bag way too much.

So, did he want his punishment now or later? Right as he wanted to answer, the door swung open and Roxy stormed in. Her face seemed chiselled, strong as if shaped by some inner forge of anger, but Eggsy also saw something else in it, something ... softer.

“You stupid idiot!”

She pointed at him, then walked towards his bed and pulled Eggsy into a firm hug. Eggsy could smell her shampoo (strawberries). Her hair tickled his neck.

_She would find out._

_She would know._

No punishment now, he _couldn’t_ – he needed just some more hours in which Roxy had no idea of his failure.

He needed her weight against him and the way her fingers slightly tightened around his neck and how it wasn’t at all like the times Dean had done the same to hold Eggsy down while he screamed at him.

It felt so … warm.

Gingerly he laid his arm around her shoulders. Just some more hours in which she wouldn’t know.

Merlin cleared his throat and Roxy loosened her embrace but didn’t let go. Eggsy almost thanked her for it, but fuck, she’d find out soon enough how pathetic he was, so he didn’t.

“You’re not in pain?”, repeated Merlin his previous question.

“It’s … ” And Eggsy didn’t know why he said the following because really, he wasn’t a masochist, but his words that contained “ … not that bad” and despair and clenched fingers, kind of rang deep in his bones.

Merlins gaze was so piercing that Eggsy could feel the hole that it burned in his skull.

“Did you just lie to me?” A raised eyebrow. Eggsy could sense Merlins upcoming irritation.  He tried to keep his tone light, so not to anger him more. “ ’Course not, sir.”

But there was the “Sir” and Roxy snorted next to him and Merlin smiled, he fucking _smiled_ , (why did he do that?) and got up. “Let him have some rest, Lancelot.”

He was almost at the door. “I will check on you later again, Eggsy.”

It sounded like a promise.

It probably was one.

Roxy squeezed his arm for a last time, before she gracefully stood up and followed Merlin out of the room.

With a storm raging inside of him, Eggsy gripped the bedsheets tighter. At least Roxy wouldn’t experience his beating. On the other hand he had always hated the extra time before his punishments, the waiting that encouraged his imagination even more.

He wondered if Kingsman had specially invented equipment to discipline their agents.

Were there any electro shockers?

Sophisticated neurotoxins?

And, (Eggsys heart stopped at the thought): Maybe an old-fashioned whip? With a fancy silver handle so it would fit right into the other designs?

Would Merlin do it?

Or Harry?

Both of them?

He couldn’t imagine ever looking Harry in the eye again after he’d given Eggsy a whipping. Kingsman had been so good to him and Eggsy had disappointed all of them.

Failed mission, failed family, failed life.

Who was he kidding, he probably deserved all the blows and bruises and burns.

He had only one job, _just one mission_ (because seriously, mostly Merlin and Roxy had managed the Valentine massacre, they probably could have done it without him if Harry had been there and not in coma) and he fucked it up.

JB waddled to Eggsys side and licked his hand while his master stared blankly at the wall.

Harry would hate him. He had been the one who brought him here and now Eggsy wasn’t even worth of all his attention and proud smiles and lessons about being a gentleman.

He would hate Eggsy so _so_ much.

The door swung open again and Eggsy turned his head to see if Merlin had come back already or if – it was Harry.

No.

No, please not.

Eggsy knew that he thought about it, but Harry actually being his disciplinarian was … hell. There was no other term for how Eggsys stomach dropped and his lungs went heavy and how his heart shattered into pieces.

Why couldn’t it be Merlin? Or some bulky faceless bloke that he’d never see again?

“Morning, Eggsy.” Harry didn’t smile. Of course, he was here for business.

“Morning”, choked Eggsy out.

His mentor wore the same expression on his face that he’d also seen at Roxy.

Was it worry that Eggsy would fight back his punishment?

„I won’t“, he told Harry with a lump in his throat because apparently this needed clarification.

“Excuse me?”

Dean had sometimes done the same tactic where he wanted Eggsy to spell out what was going to happen to him; of course it had been too much to hope that now this would be any different.

Briefly he closed his eyes before he answered: “I’ll let you do it. No fighting back, yeah?”

Harrys laugh was almost too quiet for him to catch. “That would certainly help the situation.”

And then he leaned forward and kissed Eggsy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry that you had to wait so long, guys! I'll try to update sooner next time, I promise.  
> Also does anyone know where I could find someone to beta read? (Because this english-thing is kinda tricky sometimes ... )
> 
> And if anyone's curious: Next chapter we'll find out why Eggsy couldn't crack the safe in the first place and if Harry confesses his love to Eggsy, so stay tuned! :)


	3. Chapter 3

The kiss tasted sweet and like long summer evenings, the exciting buzz in your mind, right before you shoot a weapon and exclusive cigars, smoked while staring at each other’s eyes.

Eggsy couldn’t help but kiss back. This moment would probably haunt him but right now only Harry and his lips were important.

And fuck, did Harry kiss good. His hand had somehow found his way to Eggsy’s neck and one of his fingers gently stroked his skin.

Yep, this moment would totally haunt him.

And after all the kissing, there would be the worst kind of beating that Eggsy was probably ever going to get, but it was worth it. Everything was worth it if he could only continue kissing Harry Hart.

Longingly, Eggsy wanted to pull him closer, but Harry withdrew in that exact moment and sternly looked at him from one side of the bed.

Why couldn’t it have lasted just a second longer, before he chewed Eggsy out?

“Eggsy,” Harry began and it was the same voice as on the day when Eggsy had been instructed to shoot JB, the same voice Harry had used as he told Eggsy how disappointed he was, and that buried itself into Eggsy’s heart like splinters. “What were you _thinking_?”

It wasn’t really a question, Eggsy knew that, but he felt like he should defend himself.

“There was this safe,“ he said, and wow, that sounded incredibly intelligent. “An’ I couldn’t open it.“

Yup, keep digging your own grave. “And um, everything kinda went tits up from then.“

On Harry’s forehead wrinkled and Eggsy noticed the way his mouth set in a hard line.

 Shit. Shit, shit, shit, he was in such deep trouble. A simple whipping wouldn’t suffice.

“So how did it happen that you deliberately ignored Merlin’s commands, and decided to crack the safe anyway, without any knowledge of what went wrong and why?”

Eggsy assumed that this, too, wasn’t a real question.

“Eggsy?“ Apparently it was.

“I thought that I could do it somehow.“

“You thought that you could somehow open a safe covered with an up to then unknown toxic narcotic, which affects your brain waves, relinks nerve endings and thus makes clear thinking nearly impossible?”

Harry’s voice had become louder and louder and it took all of Eggsy’s willpower not to flinch away.

“Not only did you ignore Merlin’s direct order, but you also endangered your health _and_ your life! And now –“ Breathing heavily, Harry broke off and looked at Eggsy with eyes so dark that they seemed almost black.

“So why did you do it, Eggsy?“, he finally wanted to know and no, that was not the Harry Eggsy knew, because the voice of Gentleman-slash-killer-slash-perfect-hypothetical-dream-husband-Harry did not nearly crack at saying those words.

Eggsy swallowed. What was he supposed to say? That he was sorry?

Harry still stared at him with those dark and hurt eyes.

An apology? Yeah maybe that would somehow lessen Harry’s regret for trying to train him. But then, an apology never changed anything, had it?

 “ ‘M sorry.” Now could come the crappy part.

“You’re sorry?“ There was the strained voice again. “That’s …” Harry let out a huff.

“Unacceptable?” offered Eggsy. “Yeah.” It was, it really was. He didn’t wanted to make Harry feel so bad about employing him, he definitely didn’t.

“Well yes, that would be one word.”

And this time, Eggsy flinched. He could bear gunshot wounds and punches thrown at him, but went weak as soon as Harry uttered a few harsh words. How disgusting.

“So, could you just bring it on?“ It wouldn’t be good if Harry stayed longer than he already had.

In the end, Eggsy would start to hope that their kiss had meant something and wasn’t … but, what had it _meant_?

Was it like the kiss of a traitor or something? Did that mean that Eggsy was indeed going to die? If this really was to be the consequences of his actions then … he would fight against it, even if he had promised Harry no resistance.

Who was going to care for his mum and Daisy? Or JB?

“Excuse me?” Now Harry sounded like a proper gentleman again. Eggsy would have to say it out loud.

“Um, ya know …” Harder than expected, especially if you still had deep dark eyes staring into your soul and waiting for you to humiliate yourself. “My punishment?”

Harry lifted one eyebrow. “Eggsy …”

Defensively Eggsy lifted his hands. “Yeah, yeah, there I said it. Now, can we get on with it? I mean, where do we go for this? Do ya use your belt-“ Eggsy gestured to Harry’s waist where, oddly, no belt was attached to his trousers.  Instead he was wearing navy blue sweatpants and at this moment, that was almost more shocking than the whole kissing thing. What the fuck?

“Um … so no belt, but like, maybe you have some kinda crop lying around? Or a knife? Come on, Harry, I know that you have at least a knife somewhere on you!”

His mentor nodded slowly. “I do indeed, Eggsy, but I use them for killing, not punishing.”

So? Was it a whip then?

“You think you need to be disciplined for the whole situation,” Harry observed. Eggsy snorted.

“Are you serious?”

But Harry continued to look at him questioningly and actually managed to make Eggsy feel even worse than he already did. “That’s how things work.”

“You getting beaten for mistakes?“ He was serious indeed, Eggsy suddenly and numbly realised. Harry Hart had no idea that he was such a fuck up, that he needed at least a few slaps to his face on a good day. Oh. He felt like he should have warned him about this.

Instead he answered: “Yeah, it’s mostly that.”

JB licked his hand again.

Harry observed him motionless.

Eggsy’s finger were loosely spread on the bedsheets, just centimetres from Harry’s thigh.

Seconds felt like years.

Then Harry spoke again. „I would never hurt you that way.” His face was so serious and solemn, that one might think they were at a funeral.

“You should.“ Because that was what he deserved, what should happen, _what was only natural._

“I love you, Eggsy.”

And this was not.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In the next chapter:  
> Will Eggsy trust Harry enough to let go of his internal self-flagellation? How does Merlin fit into the picture?  
> And will I ever learn how to write Harrsy/Harras/Jarrys name right?
> 
> As always kudos and comments are appreciated!
> 
>    
> Beta reader: The lovely [czarinakitty](http://archiveofourown.org/users/czarinakitty/pseuds/czarinakitty)


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